After~Life after the Hearty Haadsa
(Celebrating MI Third Rebirth~day)
मुझे देखो सरापा मैं मोहब्बत ही मोहब्बत हूं,
कभी ना ख़त्म होगी जो, ख़ुदा की वो इनायत हूं!
From head to heel, IM imbued in the elixir of मोहब्बत or LOVE; from top to toe, I glow in the resplendence of LOVE! I have groomed myself with LOVE! I may sound narcissistic and ostentatious but my being in love with myself is not a violation of any standards. Because, to love others, you need to love yourself. In bargain, I may have been beaten up and bruised, hurt and humiliated; yet, MI heart speaks only the language of love and it only has a voice; no language, no grammar, no eloquence. Marching to the beat of a different drummer, my non conformist heart only expresses positive and warm emotions like care, compassion, kindness, joy, happiness, gratitude, humility, appreciation, hope, etc.
दुनिया ने कितना समझाया, कौन है अपना, कौन पराया,
फिर भी दिल की चोट छुपाकर, हमने आप का दिल बहलाया.
And, आप का दिल बहलाते बहलाते, on this single and specific day three years before i.e. on 20 October, 2019, MI One and Only Heart, beating, pulsating and throbbing with love, suddenly seemed to rebel and revolt. Probably, it was seeking inspiration from the writings of the romantic rebel poet Sahir Ludhianvi, in whose honour I was presenting an audio ~ visual programme at the Veer Sawarkar Hall, Shivaji Park.
IMpassioned that IM, I started the programme in a declamatory style with a poignant couplet of Sahir: मौत कितनी भी संगीन हो मगर ज़िन्दगी से तो मेहरबान होगी,
हम न होंगे तो ग़म किसे होगा, ख़त्म हर ग़म की दास्तान होगी!
And within twenty minutes, I found MI world crumbling down and MI दास्तान coming to an end. Sahir had just begun to possess my psyche when I began to feel uneasy and uncomfortable; I started slurring and stammering, battled for breath and fainted finally. When I regained my consciousness after almost half an hour, I found myself in the nearest hospital (Hinduja). Getting diagnosed as having suffered a massive heart attack (Hearty Haadsa, as I call it), all the necessary medical aid and assistance followed suit in no time.
‘Death’, cold and cruel as it may seem, had a warm heart and was more than kind to me to give me a ‘wake up’ call. Call it an atypical act of ‘kind cruelty’, ‘Death’ knocked at my door and left with a sort of warning to slow down, to be thoughtful of MI health and to love and respect MI life before I love and respect others:
संगीन मौत किसपे कब हुई है मेहरबां,
जां लेते लेते बख़्श दे गई मुझे ये जां.
‘साहिर‘ की दास्तां मैं कर रहा था जब बयां,
बस अपने आप बंधने लगा ग़ज़ब का समां;
फिर पल में लड़खड़ाने लग गई मेरी ज़बां,
दम घुटने लगा, जैसे निकली जा रही थी जां.
समझो कि ख़त्म हो गई मेरी भी दास्तां,
संगीन मौत किसपे कब हुई है मेहरबां.
उम्मीद की शुआ कहीं आई नज़र नहीं,
किस किस के हाथ उठे दुआ में, कुछ ख़बर नहीं;
कुछ देर तक लगा दुआओं में असर नहीं,
ऐसा लगा उस रात की कोई सहर नहीं.
बुझते हुए चराग़ से उठने लगा धुआं,
संगीन मौत किसपे कब हुई है मेहरबां.
ये सच है कि हर रात का होता है सवेरा,
दुनिया से मेरी होने लगा दूर अंधेरा;
उम्मीद की किरनों ने किया दिल में बसेरा,
इक बार फिर से जगमगा उठा जहां मेरा.
फिर बसने लगा ‘टूटे हुए’ दिल का आशियां,
संगीन मौत कभी कभी होती है मेहरबां!
After being nurtured well by my niece Sukanya here, I went to Thrissur, my native town in Kerala, for convalescing and there, my only surviving elder brother and sister in law took ample care of me. I was getting all the attention and the much needed rest and relaxation. But, within twenty days, my restless heart forced me to get back hOMe in Mumbai! After all, लाख लुभाये महल पराये, अपना घर फिर अपना घर है:
I was back home in Mumbai, the ‘City of Keep Alive‘ (as some hard core admirers call), where the heart beats resonate and reverberate with animated energy and excitement. जीना यहां, मरना यहां, इसके सिवा जाना कहां! In the next few months and more particularly during the lock down period, I found myself more at peace and in a more blissful state than before. I am now basking and bathing in the elixir of my new found solitude, relishing and rejoicing in the heaven and paradise of my ‘loneliness’. I am discovering new meaning and purpose of my existential continuum!! I wish I am blessed with this state of euphoria for the rest of my life!!!
कितना हसीन ज़िन्दगी का एक एक पल है,
रग़ रग़ में ख़ून की जगह सुकून आज कल है.
ना यार दोस्तों के लिये अंजुमन सजाऊं,
ना अपने पराये की महफ़िलों में अब मैं जाऊं;
ना ऐसी वैसी याद से भी दिल को अब दुखाऊं,
बस दिल से दिल की बात कहूं, रोऊं मुस्कराऊं.
ख़ामोश सदाओं की घर में अब चहल पहल है,
रग़ रग़ में ख़ून की जगह सुकून आज कल है.
बस यूं ही इक नई अदा से हम उभरते जायें,
बस यूं ही अपने बस में हर ख़ुशी को करते जायें;
बस यूं ही ज़िन्दगी के बाक़ी दिन गुज़रते जायें,
बस यूं ही अपने साथ जीते जायें, मरते जायें.
बस अपने हाथ में ही सारी मुश्क़िलों का हल है,
रग़ रग़ में ख़ून की जगह सुकून आज कल है.
Made in 1955, Mod in 1985, Mad in 2015 and Mud by… hopefully, not before 2025! Life is a roller coaster and we all have our ups and downs, peaks and valleys. After the ‘Hearty Haadsa’, I found MI life taking new turns and twists. As George Bernard Shaw put it:
Life isn’t about finding yourself;
Life is about creating yourself!
Life is a series of reinventions and regulations. There is nothing more addictive in life than reinventing yourself and allowing yourself to be different everyday. The ‘Hearty Haadsa’ was an eye opener for MI being hale and hearty once again. The truism I can share now with the world is:
There was a disheartening setback and an emboldening comeback.
The comeback is more startling than the setback!
The comeback is laden with newer timeline to the older story lines.
MI first and last passion remains MUSIC. Had I not suffered the Hearty Haadsa, I would have continued with the musical events. But following the four months rest period and during the pandemic lock downs which prolonged for almost two years, my focus shifted to exploring something I never dreamed of: ACTING!
Soon after returning to Mumbai, I auditioned and got selected for a cameo role in Kabir Khan’s epic film ’83’ capturing the essence of the World Cup win in 1983. I played a fleeting role of a mundu~clad south Indian father. Unfortunately, what would have otherwise gained me notice for the flash in the pan South Indian accent flaunted by me, the scene got deleted from the film. An unobtrusive beginning had been made. Thereafter, following the outrageous outbreak of the pandemic and the erratically imposed lock downs and other government restrictions, I auditioned (and got selected for a few) for more projects and ad commercials etc and the new experience evoked a whiff of fragrant freshness that will keep me in a state of perennial enrapture!
These auditions and shoots helped me explore newer areas, seek self expression and widen MI horizons with an imperceptible inner restlessness of a child whom I have still kept alive in me and wish to keep alive till the ‘rest’ of MI fine but finite life! Life had taken new twists and turns at the age of 65 years.
Eight Slides Below
I am still in the nascent stage of a new budding career in films; the flowering and blossoming of my true self as an artiste and as a writer is yet to find fuller and greater expression. But, I must confess, the seeds thereof were sown exactly three years before, in and around the ‘Hearty Haadsa’, when I tried my hands at script writing probably with the idea of making a film some day. And, with my undying passion and never give up attitude, I ended up making one facing several hurdles and obstacles. 
My passion for music and poetry drives me to write the story, screenplay, dialogues and lyrics for the film. Fascinated by the three letter divine nomenclature ‘Dua‘, I wrote a poignant story about a disapprovingly doting and sternly sympathetic grandmother and her unwavering attachment and everlasting love for her errant and aberrant runaway grandson.The script was written with two legendary actresses of two different eras in mind: Durga Khote and Farida Jalal.In my quest for perfection, I worked ceaselessly on a script for almost three years. The film, planned as a short film, grew in dimension and magnitude. Concurrently, more characters and songs got added, crew members double and the budget also escalated four fold and went on escalating. Eventually it went on to become a full fledged feature film of one hour and forty minutes.
The film’s title also changed from the pure and pristine ‘Dua‘ to the positive sounding ‘Dua Qubool‘. Besides writing, I took a bold step of directing the film and a bolder step of producing it myself without recourse to any external production house for financial support because of the fear of the ‘creative inputs’ that come as a package; and one doesn’t get a second chance to create first impression. The film has been made under the banner: aaRDee Moving Images formed by using the initials of MI parents’ names and MI name. 
The film has a star cast headed by the legendary actress Farida Jalal and a horde of new comers including yours truly in a meaty role of a ‘faqir‘. The character played by me is less faqirana by mien and manner, more sufiana and shairana and of an exalted order with extra sensory perception and mystical powers. As a manifestation of his precognitive ability, knowingly or unknowingly, he brings about mental, emotional and psychological paradigm shifts in the old lady causing her to oscillate between hope and despair, happiness and despondence. 
The film took three years to start for several reasons beginning with my ‘Hearty Haadsa’. Undoubtedly, the three years period was quite harrowing, unnerving and unsettling. But no hurdle, no obstacle, no stumbling blocks and spanners in the works made me lose heart and hope. Hope is where the heart is! Had I looked at the hurdles and obstacles (beginning with the Hearty Haadsa) as a containing fence preventing my prayers (दुआ) from being answered, then they would have become an excuse for disappointment and failure. A Divine Force brought the project to a successful completion. As the adage goes, all is well that ends well. All by the Grace of my AmmA ~ AppA ~ Almighty, the Trinity in Unity!
The film has been edited and is now in other post production stage: background score, dubbing, sound designing, digital colour grading, VFX etc, all nomenclatures new to me. After almost three years in different stages of making, my dream project, my labour of love ‘Dua Qubool’ begins to breathe, emerges to exist, rises to register and is all set to appeal to the heads and hearts, senses and sensibilities of the audience. I have put my creative energy, enthusiasm, efforts, blood, sweat, tears, body, mind, soul and my entire being and all the money (including a substantial amount borrowed from my music loving friends and nephews and nieces) into the making of the film. It might turn out to be good, average or even bad. Under all circumstances, it is to remain MI film and I have all reasons to feel proud at least for the risks taken if not for the results. After all, तेरे बच्चे तुझको प्यारे, रावण हो या राम! I now leave everything in God’s hands and eventually hope to see God’s hands in everything.
This is just a humble beginning post the ‘Hearty Haadsa’ and the entire creative endeavour has helped me, to a great extent, to put a halt to the creepy feeling that the years are passing by faster and quicker! Hope this keeps me in good stead forever and MI life will once again move on with the same youthful vim and vigour!
That Sonorous Sunday: 20 October2019 filled with Moving Manohar Monologue is to remain entrenched in MI mind forever. The nightmarish ‘hearty’ experience on this day helped me reinvent and reorganise myself and bounce back with a zanier zeal, zest, zing and zindagani:
अभी मेरी जवानी है, अभी मेरा ज़माना है,
अभी मेरी अदाओं में मिज़ाज~ए~आशिक़ाना है;
अभी दिल की सुराही से ज़माने को पिलाना है,
अभी मेरी मोहब्बत को नया कुछ रंग लाना है.
मुझे महफ़ूज़ रखना तुम, कि मैं रब की अमानत हूं
कभी ना ख़त्म होगी जो, ख़ुदा की वो इनायत हूं!
मुझे देखो सरापा मैं मोहब्बत ही मोहब्बत हूं,
कभी ना ख़त्म होगी जो, ख़ुदा की वो इनायत हूं!
Made in 1955, am to return to mud, like all of us, in…. God alone knows when! Life is an interval between the MADE and the MUD and how much MAD one is in making a MODerate difference determines the essence and quintessence of the MADE to MUD journey!
The Jashn~e~Mohabbat and the Janam Din Jubilation begins now...
Manohar ‘Mohabbat’ Iyer
